Of all the things...

Of all things to see... I was in Michaels getting a few more supplies for my Angel crafts and Connor's school yearscrapbook and as I'm picking up some stickers a young girl walks around the corner. Over her arm is a carseat handle. The very carseat my sister was going to buy Chloe. Across the baby's lap is a pink and chocolate blanket and embroidered on the blanket is her name. I did a double take and my heart skipped a beat and ended up in my throat. Her name was Chloe Anna. So what if it was Anna instead of Anne it was just way to close. It was all I could do to make my shaky legs walk past her as I kept my eyes glued to the floor. My heart was pounding and I had a HUGE lump in my throat I could not swallow down. By the time I got to the end of the aisle I could not see for the tears and I fled the store. It's things like that that just haunt and remind me I acn have another baby but I will never have Chloe. There is much I can do see and have with a new baby that will take some of the sting out of losing her especially if it is a girl but it will not be Chloe. There is so much that would have been unique to her that now i will never experience. Her voice, her laughter, or her sparkling blue eyes dancing with laughter as Daddy tickles her. I will never hear her say I love you or momma or both together, or feel her little arms around my neck or her soft lips kiss my cheek. I will never smell her hair after a bath.... the list could go on forever with things that are uniquely Chloe. I guess it all boils down to, I love my precious CHLOE and I miss her so very very much. I will miss her more every day for the rest of my life with every beat of my heart.