Not Ready....

So I didn't go to church this morning. After the disaster last week I have come to the decision I am just not ready. Not ready to deal with the people. One in particular. I just cannot handle her attitude. Her baby is here in her arms alive and healthy why oh why must she treat me like I purposely killed my baby to rain on her parade??? I just don't get it especially since our church is HUGE it seats several hundred and we still have to have 2 services. I just tried to slip in the back and slip out for my first sunday back. It didn't work that way but still it was only a few people who spoke to me. She is the church secretary and knows everyone. I've only been going for two years and then it's every other week cause of hubby's job. I know a handful of people. And yet with this huge flock of people admiring her beautiful baby snuggled IN HER ARMS she must act like my showing up with my aching empty ones was just to ruin her day. How dare I show up trying to heal my grief in church for the first time on the first sunday she brings her baby to show off. I wore my Chloe necklace to show my friend Abby. It was so hard not to clobber this girl. I just kept thinking I shouldn't have to be showing Abby a necklace with footprints on it. I should be showing her Chloe's tiny feet. But no that honor goes to the other girl and her baby while I sadly stand in the background trying to be invisible, trying not to cry. And yet I get treated like I've done something wrong....